The dating pool

The dating pool in your 30’s is filled with raw sewage.

I had no idea how hard it would be to find someone my age that has their shit together. Currently I run into:

  • Married but wants a side chick
  • Afraid of commitment
  • Still trying to be a rapper full time
  • Multiple kids that they don’t take care of
  • No goals or plans for the future
  • Comfortable making $2 over minimum wage
  • Wants me to “come through and chill” in hopes that it leads to sex
  • Still wants to party every weekend
  • Still wants to buy tables and pop bottles every weekend at said party but needs gas money on Monday

Seriously? I’m in my mid thirties and this is what I have to pick from? This can’t be all that’s left!

So internet I ask: where do I go to meet at least semi-decent people (male and female, I am bi after all)?

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Internet explorer

I’m an internet explorer.

I’ve ended up in some weird places. I’ve seen since weird shit. Unexplainable shit. Questionable shit.

Most of the time, I find the weird shit on accident.

I start with good intentions. Really, I do! I may look up something, and it mentions something else. Me being me, I look up that “something else”. That leads to a new thing, and another new thing, then another, and now I’m watching Japanese pop death metal.

You’d think that would stop me in my tracks…

Nah. Why stop there?

I mean, once you’re already in the weird part of the internet you might as well keep going… And I do. I’ve watched things I’m ashamed to mention. I’ve read things that make me question humanity. Didn’t stop me.

So to my readers, what was/is the weirdest thing you saw or read on the internet? Link me to it!

Super Wokeman

I’m going to create a superhero and call him “Super Wokeman”. He will be the hero all hoteps deserve. He (can’t be a “she” because only men can lead in the hotep community) will be descendant from Egyptian royalty because we all know Egypt is the only country in Africa according to hoteps. He will have a degree in YouTube scholarly studies, since most of their knowledge comes from YouTube videos of people angrily spitting unverified information. He will be vegan and organic because people that aren’t are failures (because the rest of us are just poisoning ourselves with non organic shit, duh). He will be able to detect a woman giving an opinion from a mile away and be able to jump in and “man-splain” in a single bound. He will fly around in only the finest African print super dashikis. He has a third eye to detect interracial relationships that need his opinion on why they are wrong. His disguise will be working in some “white man’s job” while simultaneously making fun of you on Instagram and Twitter for not starting your business and working for yourself instead of relying on the “White man”. Super Wokeman will be the wokest of all men. He will be the ultimate hotep.

I need someone to draw this for me!

Damn dog

So I got to meet one of my neighbor’s dogs up close and personal. In fact, he liked me so much that he bit me… Three times… After biting one of my other neighbors.

Friendly little fella huh?

Luckily he wasn’t a big dog, he’s a pug. I was able to finally kick the little bastard off of me but that didn’t stop him. He ran back to the neighbor’s porch and went at her again. Needless to say, she called the cops. It took for the cops to arrive to get the dog owners outside. The owner then tried to dispute that it was that particular pug (all three of her little dogs were out and about) that bit us because she heard him barking in her yard so he couldn’t have been on our end.

Because, you know, I don’t know which dog bit me until I punted his ass… 🙄

So now I have lovely “decorations” on my legs to commemorate my getting to meet the little pug from hell.

Awesome.

Dear knees…

Dear knees,

Calm it the fuck down.

I know I’m walking a lot more now that I work closer to home. That’s a good thing. It’s exercise. We need this.

All the creaking, cracking, and bitching you’re doing is COMPLETELY unnecessary.

We aren’t old. We’re fat, yes, but not old. There is no reason for you to be acting this way. Just go with it. I’m going to keep walking either way so make it easy knees and get with the program!

2 month loc update

So I’ve hit 2 months in my loc journey. It’s been interesting. I’m taking care of them on my own this time instead of going to some salon. I think I’m getting the hang of it.

My two strand twists are actually staying together and look more like locs now. I can wash my hair and not have to retwist the whole thing because it came apart. Now I’m just twisting at the root. I need to learn how to pin the locs down straight so they can dry straight. I’ve also noticed I can go longer in between retwists without looking a complete hot mess!

I can’t wait until I finally have some hang time!