I’ve got exes coming out of the woodwork.
I wonder if they can smell my happiness with the single life?
I’ve had to curse out one of my exes. They showed me that they are still self centered and ungrateful. One was surprised that even though I was talking to him I was still entertaining others. I’m single so I can do what I want. One seems to want that old thing back (we broke up mutually and have no ill feelings towards each other). Then I decided to post a picture of myself in a dress and another ex decided to slide right in to my DMs.
Where are all of y’all coming from?!
Why now? It’s been years since I have spoken to most of them and yet here they are. I know this is a test. I’m being tested to see if I’m weak enough to fall back into the very thing that I left.
Take that universe.
I’m strong enough to know that I left each of these relationships for a reason. I’m not going back to anyone without very visible and tangible change. I do want love but I want love that is healthy and lasting. So I’m just going to wait this out and continue to do my own thing.
I’m good universe… I’m good.
Tonight is my last shift as a trauma nurse. It’s bittersweet.
I’m excited about starting the new position but I am really going to miss my coworkers. I can say I worked with a great group of people. I know that is something not a lot of people get to say yet I have the privilege of saying it. The nightshift crew was a special breed. I think it had to do with the fact that most of the time we really only had each other to rely on. There is no management at night. No secretary, often times no tech, no leadership besides the charge nurse. It was us… We made it work. The teamwork was amazing and that is something I can say is not always common (the teamwork at my last job was horrible).
Honestly, if the commute wasn’t so long I probably wouldn’t be leaving. However, I’ve been lucky enough to get a position in a hospital within walking distance of my house and going from an 1.5 hour commute to a 15 min walk is going to be amazing.
But I’m nervous.
I’m going from what I’m used to into something a little less familiar for me. It’s still nursing but not bedside, which is what I’ve been doing for 8 years. There is a part of me that wants to just stick with the status quo since it’s the easiest thing to do. I know not to listen to that part though. That part of me is afraid of change. That part of me will keep me from progressing.
Here’s to the start of something new… 🥂
There have been a lot of changes happening in my life. Career, mental health, life in general. I’ve noticed that when I stop trying to avoid change and instead embrace it things tend to turn out positive.
I have a bad habit of trying to plan every little aspect of my life. I keep trying to make things go down this path I have created in my mind. That mental path had no twists, no turns. It’s straight from point A to point B.
It’s completely unrealistic.
Life is rarely linear. There is no straight line when it comes to life. I get frustrated because I see where I am and where I want to be and tell myself it’ll be a straight shot. It never is. There is always a detour along that path. There is always something that changes the path as I am walking along. Things go left here, right there. Those twists and turns help to build me into who I am. I realize I am better as a person when I finally reach point B thanks to all the things I encountered when leaving point A.
I want my first response to change to be excitement instead of fear. I need to be ready for all the stops along the path. I need to understand that those stops, turns, roadblocks are all a part of getting there.
So the movie “Black Panther” is here. I am excited. A lot of people that I know are also excited. To finally see black people represented not as slaves, not as thieves, not as drug dealers, pimps, or bank robbers but as royalty is amazing. We as a people are excited. AND THEN THERE ARE THE HOTEPS.
“yOu CaN gO sEe BlAcK pAnThEr BuT cAnT vOtE?”
“InStEaD oF gOiNg To SeE WaKaNdA In A mOvIe YoU cOuLd GeT a TiCkEt AnD sEe It In ReAl LiFe” (actual sum up of a tweet).
“YoU sPeNdInG mOnEy On A mOvIe BuT cAnT sPeNd MoNeY oN yOuR hOoD?
Like, why can’t y’all just let us have a moment of happiness? One moment? One? You did this same shit when “Pokèmon Go” came out. In fact, any time you notice people enjoying something that doesn’t involve making you the center of attention you hoteps seem to have a problem. Whenever you can’t figure out how to “Egyptize” or “We tha real Native American-ize” something you have a problem with it. If it isn’t “pain porn” talking about slavery and the damage it has done to us, you have a problem. If this movie was about Nubia and Egyptian royalty using black actors you would be pushing for all black people to go see it. But it’s not. It is Africans and African Americans being unapologetically African. They aren’t in your fetishized land of Egypt which makes you feel exotic. In your mind, Africa consists of Egyptopia and nothing else. Pyramids. Mummies. Gods and Goddesses. Hieroglyphics. That’s it. Wakanda, full of all these beautiful dark-skinned beings isn’t exotic enough for you. In fact, Africa isn’t exotic enough for you. It was all “back to Africa”, “we are royalty”, “we are the real kings and queens of Egypt” until your asses took a DNA test and found out you come straight from the western or southern region of Africa. Oh, that wasn’t good enough. These DNA tests are fake! Now we aren’t even African, we are actually the real indigenous American. Those DNA tests aren’t fake when they say you aren’t the father or they exonerate you from a crime though? Get the whole hell off of your high horse. In fact, get the whole f*ck out of here.
Say what you want. Be as angry as you want. We will still go see the movie. We will still enjoy the movie. You can sit you bitter asses at home and just let us have this.
I consider myself an extrovert. I’m outgoing. I’m comfortable in social situations. I can enter a room full of strangers and leave with a room full of friends. I used to be super shy but that died after entering college. I enjoy being an extrovert. It can be exhausting though.
When I am with people, I am so social that I give all of me to everyone around me. I want to see people smile. I want to make people laugh. I want people to be comfortable. That’s just who I am.
It can drain me.
Sometimes I give so much of myself that I leave completely depleted, empty. When that happens I have to replenish myself. Typically this means I have to be alone. My “me time” is the best way for me to rebuild myself. Sometimes I go for a long walk by myself. Sometimes I take myself out to eat. I love going to the museum by myself. A nice walk alone through the botanical gardens refills my soul. As much of a “people person” as I appear to be, people actually exhaust me. I am great with people, but I don’t actually like being around too many people unless I have to be. I am an extrovert that would remain solitary if I had the choice. So, am I really an extrovert or am I just an introvert that adapts well to social situations?
Do I dare jump back into the dating game? I’ve been single since July 2017. It’s not that I have been avoiding dating, it’s more the fact that no one has caught my interest. I’m bisexual. My preference is the so-called “stud” but I have always been open-minded. My problem is that I haven’t met anyone with substance. Either they care more about looking good than actually doing good, or they are still trying to be a rapper, or they aren’t ready for a relationship and just want you to “come through” late at night. I’m not looking for any of that. I just want someone with their head on straight that I can get to know and potentially build with (that’s also a gamer). That’s it.
I feel like Richmond is not the greatest place for singles. Honestly though, the dating pool in your 30’s is more like a plastic backyard pool with muddy water in it. It’s rough. To make things worse, I don’t even know where I am supposed to start looking. Like, do people still go to clubs and bars to meet people at my age? I don’t think Richmond really even has an over 30 social scene. I mean, I could try online dating again but I am just not prepared for the dick pics.
So. Many. Dick. Pics.
Starts out with a text convo, then some phone calls, and then
Unnecessary and unexpected pic of someone genitals.
CAN YOU NOT!
So now I’m stuck. Do I venture out into the “social scene” and pick up someones’ babymama/daddy or do I venture into the online scene and prepare for the foolishness?
Either way, I need to get out there.
Has anyone else been taken on an unexpected feels trip because of an anime? Its happened to me SEVERAL times. Chobits got me. The episode when Hiroyasu is telling the story of his persocom that became his wife made me tear up. The fact that she slowly lost her memory and then is hit by a damn truck saving him… Really? I’m going to need a little prep time for that. Elfen Lied was just episode after episode of emotional turmoil. I kept thinking, okay now we get to the happy stuff. Ha, no.
And then there was the second (or is it third?) season of Assassination Classroom.
I did NOT sign a permission slip for that feels trip and yet they Miss Frizzle’d my ass into a full-on emotional breakdown! I wasn’t ready *Kevin Hart voice*! The first season is so non-sensical but it keeps you drawn in. That first season gives you no clues as to how deep they are going to go. The last few episodes of the series though? I sobbed.
I have never had an anime make me sob and yet here I was, a grown ass woman, sobbing over a cartoon essentially. That last role call is what did it. If you have never seen Assassination Classroom, I recommend it. If you have only seen the first season, you are doing yourself a disservice. You need to see the rest of it. If you have seen it all the way through then you know exactly what episode I am talking about. It was rough.
That’s the thing about anime though. It can make you laugh until you are in tears or legit just make you cry real tears. It’s not just a “cartoon” for a lot of us out there. There are stories of triumph, of failure, of friendship, of betrayal, of love, and of loss. There are animes out there that really make you question humanity and its actions. Some make you see the beauty in humanity. That’s why I hate when people turn their noses up at those of us that are passionate about the animes we watch. They don’t understand. They see an animated piece of work. We see so much more. I guess that’s why we keep taking these feels trips…