INFP

I decided to take the personality test based on Carl Jung’s psychological types (I took this one). Apparently, I am an INFP: Introvert INtutive Feeling Perceiving.

At first, when I saw “introvert” I paused. I am the one that can go out and talk to just about anyone. I do well in social groups. I also get burned out in groups. Quickly. I feel drained after being social for an extended period of time. My way to recharge is to be alone. I love to go walking around my neighborhood on my own. A good book and a cup of tea or coffee are my happy place. At the same time, when I am alone for too long I can get lonely. So yeah, maybe I am a bit of an introvert. The other thing that stuck out to me is the “feeling” part of it. I feel way too much. I don’t watch the news because the negativity, the death, the fear, the hatred, I feel all of it. When someone cries, I tend to cry with them. I don’t have to know them personally to feel their pain personally. It can be intense sometimes. It made being a trauma nurse a bit harder for me than I think it should have been. I have learned that people of this personality type also have a vivid imagination. That is all me right there. I have my own world, hell, UNIVERSE, inside of my own head. My mind can take me to some amazing places. I think it’s why the movie adaptation is never as good as the book for me. When I am reading I turn the story into my own little movie.

I’ve never really taken a personality test before so I was a bit weirded out. I am kind of glad I took the test though. It gave me a little insight into myself. Maybe I am not the extrovert that I thought I was…

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Four Agreements

  1. “Be impeccable with your word”
  2. “Don’t take anything personally”
  3. “Don’t make assumptions”
  4. “Always do your best”

-Don Miguel Ruiz

I decided to read a book from a genre that I typically don’t read. I don’t do the “self-help” thing. I am a horror/fiction type girl. Love me some Dean Koontz! I have been told about “The Four Agreements” by several people, so I decided to give it a read.

needed to read it. Some of it is a bit mystical, even a bit over my head. However, the core of the book, the “agreements” are everything I needed right now. Each agreement seems very easy to understand. Honestly, they are straightforward. The hard part, for me anyway, is actually admitting my own faults and acknowledging what is keeping me from being able to adhere to these four things. The second agreement is probably the hardest for me. I tend to take everything personally. While the person speaking may have had no ill intention with what they said, I can over think and over-interpret what was said until I feel like I am being personally attacked. One of the things that I took away from that particular chapter was this: regardless of what others think about you, it should not change how you think about you. That is something I am really going to have to work on. I let my feelings get hurt. The opinions of others have far too much power over me and it shouldn’t be that way.

So, I am on a mission. I am going to see if I can implement the Four Agreements into my life. Slowly of course. I am going to fail multiple times, I am well aware of that. I am still going to try. I want to bring positivity into my life and learn to shut out the negativity. That’s just what I am going to do.

Astrological Asshole

If you are a person that justifies your shitty behavior with your zodiac sign, you are an asshole.

You being a Gemini does not excuse you being disrespectful. I don’t care that your moon rises in Leo. I don’t care about where your sun is. I care that you are a genuinely shitty person and refuse to take responsibility for it.

Yeah, Mercury does the retrograde thing. No, it does not excuse all of your poor decisions. Your life sucks during retrograde because you suck. End of story.

Before you say anything about me being a hater let me help you out: no I don’t fully understand astrology, at least not as in depth as I would like to. I know my astrological sign and some of the traits attributed to it. I sure as hell believe the full moon does something to people (8 years as a night shift nurse, I’ve worked enough full moons to see the shenanigans first hand). I believe in alternative theories. I own tarot cards that I am slowly learning to use. I have crystals all over my house and I sleep with one in my hand. I sage my home often. I believe in the unknown. I love that shit. I don’t use it to justify being a bitch. I just don’t. So if you’re going to be a douche, own up to it.

Also, while we are speaking on the subject, don’t try to make assumptions about someone’s personality based on their zodiac sign. Just stop. I am a Virgo. Yes, I am analytical.  I am a nurturer, it’s why I became a nurse. I am also one of the most unorganized people you will ever meet. My room is a mess at all times. I can be shy or the most vibrant and vocal person in the room. Some of the typical Virgo traits fit me and some don’t. The point is you don’t know me because I’m a Virgo. I don’t live my life based off of my sign. I think that’s limiting and actually detrimental in the long run.

If you enjoy astrology, continue to enjoy it. However, know that whatever you do and the effect you receive from it is all because of you.

Loc journey

I decided I wanted to loc my hair a while ago. I kept trying to find loctitians to do it but kept getting the same response, I needed “at least two inches of hair” to start locs. However, I knew my hair would loc with the length I had. I have 4c hair. It’s THICK! Super thick. Like, comb breaking thick. I love it but if I leave it alone long enough it will loc/mat on its own anyway.

I’m not patient enough to wait on the back and sides of my hair to meet up with the top. I used to keep my hair in a very low cut so my hair wasn’t even. At this point the top of my hair was two inches but the sides were an inch to maybe an inch and a half. I started growing frustrated. I just wanted my hair done, that’s it.

So a month ago that’s what I did. I sat down and two-strand twisted my hair. It took me hours to detangle and twist my hair, but I did it. Fast forward a month and my hair is already starting to loc. I’ve already washed and retwisted my hair once without a problem. I will say that the row closest to the nape of my neck wanted to be an asshole and try to sort of unravel. That would be the shortest part of my hair so I’m not surprised. I’ve figured out how to get that area to finally hold.

I am starting my locs differently this time. No wax. Good gravy no wax! That stuff left so much build up in my hair the last time I loc’d that I refuse to ever use it again. I’m using a locing gel which has been working well. I’m keeping my scalp clean and well oiled. I’m making sure I sleep in my satin bonnet to help hold in moisture. I’m taking responsibility for my hair this time around.

So, the journey has begun.

Well hello

I’ve got exes coming out of the woodwork.

I wonder if they can smell my happiness with the single life?

I’ve had to curse out one of my exes. They showed me that they are still self centered and ungrateful. One was surprised that even though I was talking to him I was still entertaining others. I’m single so I can do what I want. One seems to want that old thing back (we broke up mutually and have no ill feelings towards each other). Then I decided to post a picture of myself in a dress and another ex decided to slide right in to my DMs.

Where are all of y’all coming from?!

Why now? It’s been years since I have spoken to most of them and yet here they are. I know this is a test. I’m being tested to see if I’m weak enough to fall back into the very thing that I left.

I’m not.

Take that universe.

I’m strong enough to know that I left each of these relationships for a reason. I’m not going back to anyone without very visible and tangible change. I do want love but I want love that is healthy and lasting. So I’m just going to wait this out and continue to do my own thing.

I’m good universe… I’m good.

Bittersweet

Tonight is my last shift as a trauma nurse. It’s bittersweet.

I’m excited about starting the new position but I am really going to miss my coworkers. I can say I worked with a great group of people. I know that is something not a lot of people get to say yet I have the privilege of saying it. The nightshift crew was a special breed. I think it had to do with the fact that most of the time we really only had each other to rely on. There is no management at night. No secretary, often times no tech, no leadership besides the charge nurse. It was us… We made it work. The teamwork was amazing and that is something I can say is not always common (the teamwork at my last job was horrible).

Honestly, if the commute wasn’t so long I probably wouldn’t be leaving. However, I’ve been lucky enough to get a position in a hospital within walking distance of my house and going from an 1.5 hour commute to a 15 min walk is going to be amazing.

But I’m nervous.

I’m going from what I’m used to into something a little less familiar for me. It’s still nursing but not bedside, which is what I’ve been doing for 8 years. There is a part of me that wants to just stick with the status quo since it’s the easiest thing to do. I know not to listen to that part though. That part of me is afraid of change. That part of me will keep me from progressing.

Here’s to the start of something new… 🥂

Changes

There have been a lot of changes happening in my life. Career, mental health, life in general. I’ve noticed that when I stop trying to avoid change and instead embrace it things tend to turn out positive.

I have a bad habit of trying to plan every little aspect of my life. I keep trying to make things go down this path I have created in my mind. That mental path had no twists, no turns. It’s straight from point A to point B.

It’s completely unrealistic.

Life is rarely linear. There is no straight line when it comes to life. I get frustrated because I see where I am and where I want to be and tell myself it’ll be a straight shot. It never is. There is always a detour along that path. There is always something that changes the path as I am walking along. Things go left here, right there. Those twists and turns help to build me into who I am. I realize I am better as a person when I finally reach point B thanks to all the things I encountered when leaving point A.

I want my first response to change to be excitement instead of fear. I need to be ready for all the stops along the path. I need to understand that those stops, turns, roadblocks are all a part of getting there.