I’ve got exes coming out of the woodwork.
I wonder if they can smell my happiness with the single life?
I’ve had to curse out one of my exes. They showed me that they are still self centered and ungrateful. One was surprised that even though I was talking to him I was still entertaining others. I’m single so I can do what I want. One seems to want that old thing back (we broke up mutually and have no ill feelings towards each other). Then I decided to post a picture of myself in a dress and another ex decided to slide right in to my DMs.
Where are all of y’all coming from?!
Why now? It’s been years since I have spoken to most of them and yet here they are. I know this is a test. I’m being tested to see if I’m weak enough to fall back into the very thing that I left.
Take that universe.
I’m strong enough to know that I left each of these relationships for a reason. I’m not going back to anyone without very visible and tangible change. I do want love but I want love that is healthy and lasting. So I’m just going to wait this out and continue to do my own thing.
I’m good universe… I’m good.
Do I dare jump back into the dating game? I’ve been single since July 2017. It’s not that I have been avoiding dating, it’s more the fact that no one has caught my interest. I’m bisexual. My preference is the so-called “stud” but I have always been open-minded. My problem is that I haven’t met anyone with substance. Either they care more about looking good than actually doing good, or they are still trying to be a rapper, or they aren’t ready for a relationship and just want you to “come through” late at night. I’m not looking for any of that. I just want someone with their head on straight that I can get to know and potentially build with (that’s also a gamer). That’s it.
I feel like Richmond is not the greatest place for singles. Honestly though, the dating pool in your 30’s is more like a plastic backyard pool with muddy water in it. It’s rough. To make things worse, I don’t even know where I am supposed to start looking. Like, do people still go to clubs and bars to meet people at my age? I don’t think Richmond really even has an over 30 social scene. I mean, I could try online dating again but I am just not prepared for the dick pics.
So. Many. Dick. Pics.
Starts out with a text convo, then some phone calls, and then
Unnecessary and unexpected pic of someone genitals.
CAN YOU NOT!
So now I’m stuck. Do I venture out into the “social scene” and pick up someones’ babymama/daddy or do I venture into the online scene and prepare for the foolishness?
Either way, I need to get out there.
So I’m guessing cuffing season has begun? I have had two exes pop up out of the blue. Why? After months of not hearing a word from either of them they pop up wanting to communicate as if everything is fine. Let me guess, it got cold in that lonely bed? You figured since I’m single my bed was cold and lonely too? I guess you think some smiles and jokes will help win me over?
Let me help you out :
I’m good Satan. I’m good…
Have you ever met a person that is never single? I mean, there may be a few weeks in between relationships but they always bounce to someone new.
These people just constantly meet people and get into a whole entire relationship. And it’s not like they are just dating. No. These people are moving in together after a month, engaged after three months, broken up in six months, and in a new relationship within a few weeks of the break-up.
I was going to ask “what am I doing wrong?” however, I realize that they can’t be doing it “right” if they are constantly bouncing from one relationship to another. Instead, I ask where the hell are they even meeting that many people to get into a relationship with? I can barely meet one person that I like at any given time. I have a hard time finding people that can keep my interest before they start asking when I’m going to “come through” or sending me unsolicited dick pics. Is there a special meeting place or something?
The friend zone does not exist. Stop. Don’t try and tell me it does. It doesn’t. You are not in the friend zone. You are simply suffering from unrequited feelings. That’s it. You have feelings for someone that doesn’t have feelings for you.
Yes, you were nice.
Yes, you listened to him/her talk about what’s bothering them.
Yes, you were there when they needed you.
That’s great. That’s what friends do. At no point is anyone obligated to fall in love with you just because you are nice to them. At no point is someone obligated to be attracted to you just because you are attracted to them.
Maybe, just maybe, instead of starting a friendship with an ulterior motive why not learn to actually value that person as a friend? Why not make your intentions clear about what you are looking for from the very beginning? Instead of bitching about how “nice guys finish last” or how “guys don’t actually like regular girls”, why not find someone that feels about how you feel about them? If you feel like you’re in the “friend zone”, who put you there? Better yet, why are you still there?
When did being a side piece become a goal? Instagram glorifies it. Facebook glorifies it. Twitter glorifies it. Music glorifies it. Television shows glorify it. I just want to know when it became acceptable. Why would anyone want to be with someone that can’t give them their whole selves? Why would you want to be with someone that you can’t go out in public with? Why would you want to be with someone that has to save your name in their phone as something else so they don’t get caught? Why would you want to be with someone that can’t actually acknowledge you?
Why would anyone want to be with someone that can’t give you their all? Why would you want to be with someone that you can’t go out in public with? Why would you want to be with someone that has to save your name in their phone as something else so they don’t get caught? Why would you want to be with someone that can’t actually acknowledge you? Honestly, I think it comes down to this: why do you think you are only deserving of part of a person and not them as a whole? Don’t you feel like you deserve better than that?
I find it even stranger that side pieces strive to become the main piece, conveniently forgetting that their side position is now left W I D E open. If he or she will cheat with you then you have to know that he or she will cheat on you. Why would anyone want that? Why is that something to strive for? Why is this a thing?
I guess there are some things I will never understand…
I cleaned house. Emotionally and literally. I took the time to give the house the top to bottom scrubbing it needed. A few hours and some of the most ratchet music I could find was all it took. After cleaning the house I lit incense and let the scent fill the whole house.
I went further than that.
I threw out anything left from my last relationship. I found teddy bears, pics, other small things that reminded me of her… And him. If you have been following this blog then you know that before her I was engaged to him. Neither relationship ended well. I still had things that reminded me of both of them.
So I tossed everything. Anything that belonged to them. Anything that was given to me by them, and it wasn’t much, is gone now.
I feel better. I feel lighter. It sounds so stupid when I say it out loud but cleaning really did help. More than the physical cleaning, the spiritual cleaning really took weight off of me. I’m going to spiritually cleanse more often.