Cleaning house

I cleaned house. Emotionally and literally. I took the time to give the house the top to bottom scrubbing it needed. A few hours and some of the most ratchet music I could find was all it took. After cleaning the house I lit incense and let the scent fill the whole house.

I went further than that.

I threw out anything left from my last relationship. I found teddy bears, pics, other small things that reminded me of her… And him. If you have been following this blog then you know that before her I was engaged to him. Neither relationship ended well. I still had things that reminded me of both of them.

So I tossed everything. Anything that belonged to them. Anything that was given to me by them, and it wasn’t much, is gone now.

I feel better. I feel lighter. It sounds so stupid when I say it out loud but cleaning really did help. More than the physical cleaning, the spiritual cleaning really took weight off of me. I’m going to spiritually cleanse more often.


The call

So "she" called to tell me she loves me.

She did not call to tell me she is sorry for not being a part of our household.

She did not call to tell me she is sorry for not showing any sexual interest in me while we were together.

She did not call to tell me she is sorry for expecting all and giving nothing in return.

She did not call to admit that she used me.

She called to tell me she loves me, because saying you love someone is apparently good enough.

The call did not go well.

Starting from the bottom

People have this idea that they should just be at the top of any and everything they do, from the moment they start doing it. 

Stepping into the job market? Well, I want a six figure job with no training, in the most saturated field.

Starting college? I’m supposed to get into every Ivy League school I apply to with my 2.1 GPA.

Starting a blog? My first post should get 10,000 likes as soon as I post it. 

Starting a podcast? I should already be number one on iTunes with this first show.

Starting a vlog channel? I should already be a YouTube partner.

Starting a gaming stream? I should have 15,000 subscribers and companies beating down my door by the end of my first stream.

Starting a business? I should have $100,000 in revenue in the first month.

Starting a band? We should sell out Madison Square Garden for our first show.

What ever happened to “starting from the bottom”?

We have become a generation of instant gratification. Things are just supposed to happen.  There should be no work involved. Success is supposed to be instant. Right here, right now. 

How’s that working out? 

Life rarely works that way. Success takes effort. It takes work. It takes time. Typically it’s not going to happen overnight. What you want to accomplish will take time, dedication, and consistency. Consistency is the one thing people seem to gloss over. You can’t just put forth all your effort into one try and then walk away when you realize it’s going to continue to take work. 

Apply for the top notch job you want. Understand, however, that there is probably someone more qualified than you for the position. Step your game up and work to become the candidate they are looking for.

You’re not going to get your degree overnight. Having one good semester is not going to carry you for the whole two to four years. Your GPA is cumulative, that one 4.0 semester has gotten dragged down by your three 2.5 semesters. Work to bring your GPA back to where you want it EACH SEMESTER. 

Know that not one single person may read your first blog post. That’s ok. Continue to post anyway. Be consistent on when you plan to post. Look into how to boost your page views. Advertise your blog to social media. Build your base

Pick a topic you know you can talk about for your podcast and then post on a consistent basis. You will never get your podcast to be popular if you sporadically post or go long amounts of time between posts. If Thursday is your podcast day then be ready to podcast every Thursday!

Record your first vlog and understand that only one or two people may see it. Look at your vlogs and determine what you like and what you may want to work on. AND THEN ACTUALLY WORK ON IT. Continue to evolve and grow. Don’t look at your followers, your base isn’t there yet. Good content will slowly bring people in. 

Stream like no one is watching. In the beginning, there is probably no one actually watching. That’s ok. Do it anyway. Let your social media know when you’re going live. You’re bound to reach a few people. A good stream can bring them back, along with a few of their friends. It’s a start.

Go ahead and start that business. Be ready to be your own biggest supporter. Understand that a Facebook post talking about your business is not a feasible way to truly advertise your business. The world exists outside of Facebook and a lot of us don’t even have a Facebook page. Be prepared to get business cards. Be prepared to make flyers if that’s the route you want to go. Understand that getting your business out there is going to take time and yes, money. 

You all are talented? Great. Make music. Push that music. Play those tiny venues. Play the small summer concert series in the park. Have ways to direct people to your SoundCloud or YouTube page. Work for your fan base.

Work for it. That’s it. Be consistent in what you do and work for what you want. Success isn’t instant. It’s ok to not be a superstar in the beginning. You’re a superstar in the making. 


Rarely does spoiling someone do them any good. A spoiled child almost always becomes an entitled adult. You are a provider. You vow to make sure your child never has to need for anything. This is noble and I commend you. Then it slowly goes from them not needing anything to them not having to want for anything. There is a difference. You go from making sure your child has shoes and clothes for school, to making sure your child has $250 sneakers and $150 jeans for school. Your child soon beings to expect only the most expensive things in life because that’s what you have taught them. However you never taught them to work for the things they want. Let’s remember they aren’t working for these things, you are. You work long hours, pick up an extra job, do whatever it takes to make sure your child has only name brand items, the best of the best. Now you are rarely there for your child because you have to work all of the time to provide the material things that they have become accustomed to. Your child learns to fill the void left by your absence with those material things. They want more things because you aren’t there, you aren’t there because you have to work to buy more things. You know exactly what I am talking about. Your son has $290 football cleats but you have yet to see him play in them because you are always at work. It becomes a vicious cycle.

That child then becomes an adult with that same mindset: “I want only the best and someone needs to work hard to get it for me (you know, what you taught them?).” These are the adults that want everything yet work for nothing. These are the same people who want to live a millionaire lifestyle on a Walmart budget. Rather than establish themselves and build up to that millionaire life, they’ll just find someone already living it and latch on. These are the men that have on a $500 outfit at the club but still live with their baby mothers because they can’t afford to live on their own (don’t worry though, they aren’t “together” he is just there for his child). These are the women who want you to buy them a $1000 bag and then call you broke because you can’t afford it, yet they can’t buy it for themselves either. These people typically can’t keep a job because the boss has it out for them, a coworker got them in trouble, the management is after them, etc. They will never mention that they are always late, or they call in constantly, or they are lazy at work. These people feel that they are entitled to only the best because that is what they were taught from childhood. You are now creating another one of these soon to be entitled adults.

Spoiled isn’t good for food, it damn sure isn’t good for a person.

The forever high schooler

We all know that one person that graduated high school but never actually leftThat guy that can tell you all of his football stats but can’t tell you the last time he has held a job for more than six months… The girl who can tell you she was most popular in school but can’t tell you the names of all of her baby daddies… That one person that knows every bit of gossip about every person they went to high school with but don’t know who the two current presidential candidates are…Those people. They thrive off of their who they were and pay no attention to who they are right now. They are so focused on the past that they have no real concept of where they are in life or where they are going. It’s like they have stopped growing, stopped learning, stopped advancing.

I wonder, what makes a person want to stay in the high school state of mind? Though high school wasn’t the worst, I spent my whole four years trying to get the hell out. Don’t get me wrong, it was fun, I made some great friends, I learned a lot about myself, but when it was over; it was over. Reunions are great, a good time to reminisce about those four years of our lives. However, some people spend their whole life in mental high school reunion mode. I am just curious as to how that happens. Do you tell that person to move on, let it go… Or do you let them stay inside the bubble they have created?

The lost art of communication: from”WYD?” to d*ck pics

When did we stop communicating with one another? It seems like people no longer know how to hold a conversation. People are almost uncomfortable with talking to each other now. It’s disappointing. I am a conversationalist. I want to talk. Let’s talk about politics, religion, space, gaming, anime, cartoons, music, the universe, goals, life, SOMETHING! People nowadays bypass the “talking” stage and are immediately trying to get whatever they think they can get from you. Conversation currently consists of the following:


“Send me a pic.”

“When you gone come see me?”

“Come thru”

“Oh, ok”


SERIOUSLY???? How about getting to know someone? Why is it so easy to send a pic of your genitals, that NO ONE asked for, but it’s too hard for you to converse with that same person? Like, how are you bold enough to show me parts of your body I never asked to see but you can only text “wyd?” and “oh,ok.”? What part of the mind tells someone this is normal? Did I miss something? Is this a generational thing? Are conversations a thing of the past now? NO. No, I refuse to believe that this is the new norm. The conversationalists are still out there. You’re going to have to wade knee deep in the “wyd’s” and dick pics but dammit, we are still out there!



So after dedicating two and a half years to a relationship I am back to being single. It’s not the worst thing that can happen in life but now I am sort of floating in that awkward space. I have been out of the dating game for so long that it confuses me now. I don’t really even know when I am supposed to “jump” back into the dating scene honestly. I mean, he and I haven’t really been together since October. We lived together, we shared a bed, but we weren’t really together. We emotionally separated before we physically separated. I have dealt with it, blah blah blah. Now I am trying to figure out, what’s next? When do I decide it’s time for me to get back out there? Will I feel it? Hopefully my heart will tell me what to do…