5 months

Guess who hit five months of locs?

This chick! I even have a little hang time!

I actually call them “locs” now instead of saying “twists” because my hair is finally starting to loc near the ends. This has truly been a learning experience since I’m doing this on my own this time around. Here are a couple of things I’ve learned so far:

  • Locs need moisture. I was bad at that the first time I had them. My hair only got attention when I went to the beautician. Now that I’m doing them myself I pay far more attention to my hair.
  • I don’t need to wait 6-8 weeks between washes. I know not to wash my hair weekly but for me, that’s too long in between washes and I sweat too much for that. (Somewhere a loctitian is cringing. I’m sorry.)
  • It’s not “lint”. That white stuff I saw in my locs the last time I had them wasn’t freaking lint! I have dandruff but I also have a sweaty/oily scalp as well (it’s weird but it’s true I swear). When I scratch my scalp I don’t have flakes, I have a residue that will actually sit under my nails. Now I wash my scalp twice, then I focus on my locs and they may get the double wash as well. I have almost none of that residue in my locs this time around.
  • Patience! I’ve learned patience. While I admire the long locs I see on others, I had to force myself to understand that they are much further along in their loc journey than I am in mine.
  • My hair isn’t always going to look “neat”. Locs frizz up just like my twists used to. My locs like to face different directions as well, I need to learn to be OK with that.
  • Not everyone “approves” of locs and that is not my problem. This is my hair journey, no one else’s.

I can’t wait to see what my locs are doing in another five months!

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2 month loc update

So I’ve hit 2 months in my loc journey. It’s been interesting. I’m taking care of them on my own this time instead of going to some salon. I think I’m getting the hang of it.

My two strand twists are actually staying together and look more like locs now. I can wash my hair and not have to retwist the whole thing because it came apart. Now I’m just twisting at the root. I need to learn how to pin the locs down straight so they can dry straight. I’ve also noticed I can go longer in between retwists without looking a complete hot mess!

I can’t wait until I finally have some hang time!

Loc journey

I decided I wanted to loc my hair a while ago. I kept trying to find loctitians to do it but kept getting the same response, I needed “at least two inches of hair” to start locs. However, I knew my hair would loc with the length I had. I have 4c hair. It’s THICK! Super thick. Like, comb breaking thick. I love it but if I leave it alone long enough it will loc/mat on its own anyway.

I’m not patient enough to wait on the back and sides of my hair to meet up with the top. I used to keep my hair in a very low cut so my hair wasn’t even. At this point the top of my hair was two inches but the sides were an inch to maybe an inch and a half. I started growing frustrated. I just wanted my hair done, that’s it.

So a month ago that’s what I did. I sat down and two-strand twisted my hair. It took me hours to detangle and twist my hair, but I did it. Fast forward a month and my hair is already starting to loc. I’ve already washed and retwisted my hair once without a problem. I will say that the row closest to the nape of my neck wanted to be an asshole and try to sort of unravel. That would be the shortest part of my hair so I’m not surprised. I’ve figured out how to get that area to finally hold.

I am starting my locs differently this time. No wax. Good gravy no wax! That stuff left so much build up in my hair the last time I loc’d that I refuse to ever use it again. I’m using a locing gel which has been working well. I’m keeping my scalp clean and well oiled. I’m making sure I sleep in my satin bonnet to help hold in moisture. I’m taking responsibility for my hair this time around.

So, the journey has begun.

Short hair, don’t care.

I have short hair. I have very short hair. I mean, I might have about an inch of growth on the top of my head.

selfie

Honestly, it’s only that long because I haven’t gone to the barber lately and it’s getting cold outside. I love having such short hair. However, other people seem not to love my having short hair as much as I do.

I have been asked so many times why I cut my hair (again) or when will I grow my hair back out. I have been asked whether or not I am going to wear wigs instead. I’ve been told that I look like a “dike” with short hair. I’ve been asked if I am trying to be a “stud”. I have been asked if I am afraid my hair won’t grow back.

I cut my hair because even though I am natural, I was not taking care of my hair when it was longer. My hair was so thick and time consuming that I almost always wore it in a “wash and go” style. Also, I cut my hair because I wanted a change. Hair this short is not something I had tried before. I am not afraid to try something new. It’s just hair. Contrary to popular belief, healthy black hair grows. Within a week of getting designs cut into my hair, you can barely see them because of new growth. I don’t care that people find my short hair “masculine”. I enjoy it. If I decide to grow my hair back out it will be because I feel like it.

I will never understand other people’s concern over my appearance. If I look like a dude to you, let me look like a dude. My short hair has no effect on your life. Stop projecting your ideas of what’s feminine on me. I’m good.

Comfort

I need to learn to worry about my own comfort. Regardless of who I date, or who I am around, I tend to change myself to make my partner or friends comfortable. I need to stop doing that.

I am bisexual. I hid that for years because I didn’t want to make anyone else feel awkward. I am not really religious though I do believe in God. I also love collecting crystals and burning sage around my house. I hid that from anyone I dated because I didn’t want people to feel weird about it because they didn’t understand it. I have wanted my hair super short for years but didn’t cut it because my ex preferred me with hair or a weave. I wanted a nose ring but didn’t do it because my (ex) girlfriend didn’t like them. I have collected posters from going to Magfest three years in a row but didn’t put them up because I didn’t know how my partner would feel about anime/comic/gaming posters on the wall. I held off on the Sailor Moon tattoo I wanted because I didn’t know how to explain to other people why I would want permanent ink from an anime.

I spent a lot of time doing what I thought would make other people comfortable. I did not take the time to notice that no one really went out of their way to make me feel comfortable with all the odd things I liked. So I stopped giving a damn about other people’s comfort. My crystals and incense are out and on display in my living room. My posters are on my wall. My hair is as short as I want. My nose is now pierced. My sailor moon thigh sleeve has been started.

It’s my turn now. I don’t have to change for you, you have to accept me for who I am. Simple as that.

 

Woman

I am a woman. I am proud of this. I do not consider myself the “weaker gender”. I am strength and courage. I pride myself in that.

However, I no longer base my womanhood on how feminine I am. This is a change for me. It wasn’t a conscious change, one day I just realized feminine does not equal womanly and vice versa.

As a kid I was a “tomboy”. Covered in dirt, scratches, and bruises with the boys, that was me. As I hit adulthood I was told this or that wasn’t “lady like”. I needed to be softer, gentler. So I stopped embracing my “rough” side if that’s what you want to call it. I kept my hair long and relaxed because guys “prefer” long hair on girls. I started wearing makeup because that’s what grown women do. I tried to dress more feminine and “cute”. I tried to soften up. I tried to learn to bite my tongue. I became a “woman”. I place the word in quotes because I became what people said a woman should be. I was always a bit uncomfortable with the “woman” I had become. It wasn’t me but I kept at it. 

And then I did something I thought was insignificant. I cut my hair. Not a little trim this time. I walked into a barber shop and cut it all off. I loved it. It was freeing. That’s when I started to notice a change in me. My womanhood was no longer based on how I looked. Strange right? A haircut shouldn’t really have that much power, but it did. See, the way I got my hair cut made me look a bit “dude-ish”. Without makeup and in my comfy clothes I started getting mistaken for a guy. I got called sir a few times actually. It didn’t bother me. In fact, I would answer with no correction of pronouns. Why? Because I realized I was a woman no matter how I looked and no matter what someone called me. I am a woman. Period. I am a woman because I say I am a woman. Makeup or no makeup. Long hair or short hair. High heels or sneakers. Skinny jeans or baggy clothes. I am still a woman. On the days I am feeling super feminine, I will rock a face full of makeup and strut in my heels with the best of them. On other days, I’m in a beenie and a Nintendo tee shirt hanging with my boys and fitting in flawlessly. I can be soft and gentle and rough around the edges. I’m still a woman. I am more comfortable with the woman I am now than I’ve ever been. Short hair, bare face, loud mouth and all. 

Thank you for noticing

Sorry readers but I have to rant for a few. THIS IS MY HAIR AND I GIVE NOT ONE SINGLE DAMN HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT IT! Yes, my hair is natural. Yes, I cut my dreads off by choice. Yes, I proudly sport a fro. Yes, my hair is thick with extra tight curls. No, I do not plan on relaxing my hair again. Why do you care? Is it your hair? Does it bother you that I like looking like myself? Are you jealous I have the courage to be myself? I could care less that you don’t like my hair. Why don’t you spend less time worrying about my hair and more time saving your thinning hairline? At no point when I decided to return to natural hair did I consider what anyone else would think of it. It was a personal choice. I’m good on this end but thank you anyway…