Wedding Confidence

So my best friend is getting married this Saturday. I’m super excited about the wedding. I am not super excited about wearing a dress.

See, I am required to wear a dress by all of my friends because they know if they leave it to me I’ll pop up in jeans. Because of this, they all made the decision that me wearing a dress this time was mandatory.

Great.

I act like I have a great self image. I’m lying to everyone. 

I am ashamed of my body. I have been for as long as I can remember. I’m at my heaviest at the moment but even at my skinniest I had low self esteem. I constantly compare myself to other women and I can always find reasons they are more beautiful than I am. I see my flaws, all of them. I see my acne scars. I see my stomach rolls. I see my arm fat. I see my stretch marks. I see my cellulite. I feel like I’m shaped like a block of velveeta cheese. So wearing a dress this Saturday is going to be weird. I’m going to feel like everyone is looking at me and judging me. 

I just wish I had the body confidence that other people have. I want to look in the mirror and like what I see, regardless of size. I want to feel beautiful in whatever I decide to wear. I just want to be happy with who I am and how I look.