I need to learn to worry about my own comfort. Regardless of who I date, or who I am around, I tend to change myself to make my partner or friends comfortable. I need to stop doing that.
I am bisexual. I hid that for years because I didn’t want to make anyone else feel awkward. I am not really religious though I do believe in God. I also love collecting crystals and burning sage around my house. I hid that from anyone I dated because I didn’t want people to feel weird about it because they didn’t understand it. I have wanted my hair super short for years but didn’t cut it because my ex preferred me with hair or a weave. I wanted a nose ring but didn’t do it because my (ex) girlfriend didn’t like them. I have collected posters from going to Magfest three years in a row but didn’t put them up because I didn’t know how my partner would feel about anime/comic/gaming posters on the wall. I held off on the Sailor Moon tattoo I wanted because I didn’t know how to explain to other people why I would want permanent ink from an anime.
I spent a lot of time doing what I thought would make other people comfortable. I did not take the time to notice that no one really went out of their way to make me feel comfortable with all the odd things I liked. So I stopped giving a damn about other people’s comfort. My crystals and incense are out and on display in my living room. My posters are on my wall. My hair is as short as I want. My nose is now pierced. My sailor moon thigh sleeve has been started.
It’s my turn now. I don’t have to change for you, you have to accept me for who I am. Simple as that.
So being a nerd has become the cool thing to do now. At one time we were ostracized. We were made fun of. We were looked at as weirdos on the fringes of society. Now nerd culture is a hashtag for a lot of people. Glasses and a video game or super hero teeshirt are all it takes to make someone a #nerd apparently. It’s not that I am upset that “nerding out” is more acceptable, I’m not going all “I liked it before it was cool” hipster on you. I think it just bothers me a bit that nerd culture has lost some of its meaning. We nerds, true nerds, have been doing this since we can remember. We were trapped in our books reading until morning, finishing book after book in a week. We were collecting Pokemon cards and trading like we were on Wall Street with million dollar stocks. We were playing the Yugi-Oh trading card game as hard as an old school cook out game of spades. We fought over who got to be player one on Super Mario. We were rushing home to watch the anime that came on Toonami after school and hoping Goku finally used that damn Kamehameha. We were playing Dungeons and Dragons like we were really there. We were saving money to by the new comics to see what happens to Superman next. We found what made us happy and ran head first into it. We were the ones that were called nerds as an insult. It wasn’t cool and it kind of wasn’t easy either. We were made to believe it wasn’t ok, that we needed to change and fit in more. A lot of us were bullied for it. We still nerded out at every possible chance anyway. Most of us just turned into grown up nerds.
Nowadays, the younger generation of true nerds are being bullied mercilessly for their nerdy obsessions by the same people that put on a pair of big glasses, take a pic, and post it with “#NERD, lol!” as the caption. It’s not fair. So I am talking to you, the up and coming generation of true nerds. You know who you are. You have actually read the “Dark Knight” comics before the movies came out. Your Call of Duty kill streak is something to be admired. You know which Zelda game just from a few notes of the music. You have more games than clothes. You know the sound of the Tardis landing and won’t blink around concrete statues. You patiently wait on the next episode of Sherlock never knowing when it will come. You have a “Supernatural” gif appropriate for any post. You know not to wear the red shirt on the Starship Enterprise. You have had your emotions destroyed by more books that relationships. You go to comic/anime cons dressed up as something that probably embarrasses your parents and you DO NOT care. Your Minecraft world rivals the real one. You are awesome and let no one tell you otherwise! Continue to obsess over what makes you happy. Don’t let people try to force you to fit in. Don’t let their whispers, their stares, their harsh words bother you. Remember, nerds are cool now. You’re one of the cool kids! You’re the one the stars are coming to comicons to talk to. Be you. Wear your nerdy shirts. Listen to your video game music remixes. Let your friends know it happened totally differently in the book. Continue to be a true nerd. We older nerds have got your back.
So I’m sitting here watching an anime called “Kimi ni todoke”, or something like that. I don’t speak Japanese, so sue me! It’s a I love story and absolutely adorable. Not to mention incredibly sweet. However it made me wonder, do guys like Kazehaya really exist? Are there guys out there that can see past everyone else’s preconceived notions to see the beautiful person inside? Lets take Clannad as another example. Tomoya grows to love Nagisa for her good heart and determination. Wonderful. Sweet. Is it realistic? Honestly I think so. I still believe there are guys out there that want that good, sweet girl. The problem comes from the fact that the good, sweet girl is over there daydreaming about the uber popular, cool, sexy, douchebag. Yep, girls we may be looking past that “anime love” because we are looking at Mr. Movie star. Maybe it’s time to start looking with our big, ol’ nerdy hearts!
So I am UBER jealous of multilingual people. It seems like being at least bilingual is the norm for every country but America. We learn English and figure “eh, good enough. If you want to talk to me then learn my language”. That’s kind of close minded isn’t it? Well I have embarked on a journey to learn two languages by the time I turn 30. First up Japanese. Why, you ask? Well I would love to learn Spanish, hell I would use it everyday. I unfortunately took French in high school and only remember it when I try learn Spanish. Those two languages are remarkably similar! I figure instead I will learn a language completely different from both and since I already walk around singing Japanese songs why not actually understand what I am singing? And thus, that is how the decision to learn Japanese came to be… Well that and I want to be able to watch anime without subtitles. Nerd? Why yes I am, how kind of you to notice!