No happiness allowed

Have you ever encountered someone that is against any sort of happiness? What’s with that? Why do people go out of their way to hate on any and everything that people enjoy?  What exactly are they getting out of it?

Prime example: trend haters. If it’s trendy, they hate it… for instance Pokémon Go. I can’t even count how many people were bashing the game, bashing the adults that played the game, bashing enjoyment of the game in general. I saw lots of posts like “while y’all are out chasing Pokémon I’m out chasing this money.” or other dumb stuff along those lines. Why does it matter that we are out enjoying ourselves? At no point does our playing Pokémon Go have any effect on them. Yet, these people go out of their way to make sure the world knows they don’t like what others are enjoying. 

Even more recently, the “fidget toy” trend has been getting a TON of hate. Just go into the comments of any social media page that advertises the cubes, spinners, or anything else fidget related. It’s over run by people that have taken time out of their day to complain about how stupid they think this particular trend is. WHY DOES IT MATTER? Someone buying a toy to play around with has no bearing on the outcome of your day. None. Zero. Zip. Nada. 

Then there are the relationship haters. You’ll know them by all the bitter quotes about loyalty that cover their pages. They don’t believe in love anymore and you shouldn’t either. They always have something negative to say about everyone else’s relationship. However, they are so focused on hating other’s relationships that they have no time for one of their own. You have a guy that texts you “good morning”? He’s only awake because he was out cheating. You have a girl that makes you proud with her dedication to school? She thinks she’s better than you. There is no such thing as a healthy relationship to these people. 

Happiness is something that must be crushed whenever possible. 

I understand that life can make you cynical. I lost my mom, my whole world, when I was 16. It was crushing. It opened my eyes to loss, hurt, and how unfair the world is. It didn’t make me hate happiness though. It made me crave it. I wanted to be happy. It made me embrace every happy moment thereafter. 

Honestly, if you want to be cynical, be cynical. If you want to be miserable, be miserable. However, don’t expect others to sit in the misery pit with you. Let everyone else be happy. 

Forgiveness

I was taught to forgive. “Forgive and forget” they say. “Forgiveness helps you heal” they tell you. Nah, fuck that. Forgiveness is NOT for everyone and at NO POINT will I let anyone make me feel guilty. Sometimes I need to feel the anger. I need to acknowledge the pain. I have been lied to, cheated on, used, abused, hurt, abandoned… I have every right to FEEL!

People love to try and force the belief that forgiveness is the proper thing to do, the right thing to do, the only thing to do. Not always, not for everyone. For me, acknowledging that I was wronged feels like the right thing to do. Allowing myself to feel anger feels like the right thing to do. Accepting that you do not care how you have made me feel and I am allowed to hate you for that feels like the right thing to do. You may think I am allowing negativity to run me. I’m not. I am embracing my emotions, all of them. Negative emotions are still emotions and they should be allowed to happen as needed. It is a part of healthy self-care.

I almost feel like sometimes people rely on forgiveness because it is easier than accountability. It is easier to say “I forgive you” than to call someone out on their constant bullshit. Maybe people think it hurts less. We tell families that have had members killed to forgive the murderer.  We tell rape victims to forgive their attackers. We tell minorities to forgive people when they make racist statements. We tell women to forgive men when they make sexist comments. We tell wives and husbands to forgive their partners infidelity. We tell children to forgive their parents for mercilessly beating them. We tell gays to forgive Christians for constantly telling us we are going to hell. Forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive. NO! How about instead, we tell people to stop being assholes? How about we hold people accountable for their choices? How about we not make the victim feel worse by trying to guilt them into forgiveness? How about letting people deal with things in their own way? How about we acknowledge that forgiveness has a limit and it’s not a cure-all?

I  mean, how am I responsible for forgiving you but you are not responsible for changing your behavior or even apologizing for it? I should forgive you while you continue to do wrong ? You can miss me with all of that. I don’t hold grudges, there is no point. However, I feel no need to forgive you because you do not deserve it. I can move forward while also wishing you get four flat tires at the same time. I can take that anger and grief and use it as motivation to grow. Am I doing this to prove something to you? Don’t flatter yourself. I am doing this to help my self advance emotionally, that’s all. If you are looking for forgiveness, go to church… I have none for you.