Afraid

I’m afraid.

I’ve been dealing with chronic nerve pain for over a year now. No one has been able to tell me why I have neuropathy. I’ve been on neurontin unsuccessfully. I’m now on Lyrica with moderate relief (I mean going from an 8/10 pain daily to a 4/10 is relief to me).

The neuropathy is spreading.

I now have numbness, tingling, and sometimes weakness in my arm. Nothing has changed. I haven’t gotten hurt. No new falls. Just new pain.

I want to know why.

Why do I hurt? Why do I feel tired all the time? Why do I trip over everything? Why do I feel weak when I wake up? Why do I feel like my spacial awareness is off? Why am I limping? Why can I hear the blood rushing in one ear? Why is it spreading?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

I feel like I’m going crazy. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I feel like I have to be making this up. I feel like maybe I did something wrong to cause all of this. I feel like giving up.

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5 thoughts on “Afraid

  1. Fred, fear of the unknown gets all of us. Once the docs give you a definitive diagnosis then you can deal with it much better. Sorry to know you are going through this medical difficulty. 📚 Christine

  2. I hope you’re ok (stupid thing to say really). But stay focused and keep being you!! It’s hard but you got this. Don’t let it ever win. As nurses it’s even harder to be in that position I think. But mostly, never give up ❤️🌻

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