Those dark days

I’ve been having more and more of those dark days. I’ve been spending more and more time alone. I’ve been spending more of my days off sleeping. I either have no appetite or I gorge. I’m just not in the best place.

That’s the thing with depression. It never really goes completely away so much as it lies dormant and re-emerges when you’re most vulnerable. I hate to admit it but the break up hit me hard. It was hard to lose not only a girlfriend of over a year but also a friend of 8 years. It sucked and still does suck. I know that the pain of losing my relationship is playing a big role in me sliding down into the pit.

I am proud of myself though. Years ago I would see myself sliding into the depression pit and do nothing to stop the downward spiral. Now I see the slide and I start taking measures to put the brakes on that downward spiral. I start focusing on self care and it’s that time again. I have 13 days off starting tomorrow. I am going to celebrate my birthday with my best friends. I’m going to write in my journal each day for the whole break so I can express my feelings. I am going to meditate like I used to. I’m going to jog by the river which I love. I’m going to go to SC to see my sisters and my over abundance of nieces and nephews. I’m going to do the things that I know lift my spirit. If I need to have a therapy session or two then I’ll do that as well. I am going to do whatever I need to do to limit the dark days. I have depression, depression does not have me.