Just friends (BEDA 24)

I need to ask a question: why do so many people feel like men and women can’t be “just friends”? Why is there an automatic assumption that if two people of the opposite sex are close they have to be sleeping together? I encounter this thought process from others often. 

I have mostly male friends. In fact, there are only two females that I consider myself actually close to. If you’ve read other blogs of mine then you know I refer to my guy friends as “my boys”. We refer to ourselves as “the cool kids”. We are as close as friends could possibly be. When we hang out, I’m almost always the only girl. If it’s not a group hang out then I’m typically with my “brother”. Either way, I’m around guys majority of the time, and I see the looks. Those “she’s f*cking him/them” looks or the “she’s definitely a ho hanging around all those guys” looks.  It’s never bothered me at all. I’ve never felt awkward around them, nor have I slept with or wanted to sleep with any of them. They’ve never made me feel like any one of them was trying to make a move on me. In fact, I went to Magfest this year and we all stayed in one hotel room… four guys and little ol me. It was four days of foolishness as evidenced by my Instagram posts during that trip (so. much. alcohol).  I guess that’s why I don’t understand the thought process behind the idea that men and women can’t be friends, I’m proof that we can.

However, I know women that feel like every man that tries to strike up a conversation with them is actually just trying to “get some”. I get it, ladies, I do. We wade through a sea of fuck boys on a daily basis. The guys that use the guise of friendship to see if they can get something more out of you, we’ve all dealt with them. However, you know that’s not every guy though right?

 I can hear your response now “all the dudes know are after something” or “they only want to be friends to see when they can make their move”. Sweetie, ask yourself this: Why are all the guys around you fuck boys? Why are you allowing them in your life or anywhere near you period? Once you notice friendship is not their agenda, especially after you’ve made it clear that that is your preference, why are they still in your life? Once they cross that line, after that line has been clearly marked, drop them and move on. Their mind is not where yours is. Instead of being bitter about a fuck boy, just make your life “fuck boy free”. Take a moment to assess how you are coming across these “male friends”. Where are you meeting these guys? Did you meet homeboy at a club and after he asked “do you have a man?” he then asked “well can you have a friend?”, because you know damn well that’s not what he’s after. Are you on dating sites ” only looking for friendship”? If so, please get real. Dating sites are not the place to make new “friends” hence the reason they are called “dating sites”. Did he slide into your dm’s? Come on, you know what he’s up to. Was he flirting first and after that didn’t work settled on the friendship approach? You saw his true intentions in the beginning. Sometimes you really can tell the plan by the approach… and yes I know, some fuck boys are smoother than that. Some use your likes, your hobbies to try and get close (I’ve dealt with that before). Eventually they show their true colors, like I said drop them and move on. 

Don’t allow the wrong men to make you think all men are wrong. Some men are perfectly fine having you as their female friend. Some men really aren’t looking at you like a piece of meat. Some men simply want to enjoy your companionship and conversation. Don’t place all men in one box, it’s how you miss out on the good few. 

Now fellas, let’s talk for a second. Are you aware that a woman can talk to you and not want to date you? Did you know that just because you’re interested in more doesn’t mean she has to be? Her saying she just wants friendship is *not* a challenge. Sometimes we just enjoy having that male perspective. If she has made it clear that she considers you her friend or her “brother” (which is actually an important part in our lives), and you still hold on to the idea of more, she didn’t put you in the “friend zone”, you put yourself there. She made it evident that you are not who she is looking to date (and she has that right, she is not obligated to you) and yet you drag along hoping you can weasel in. Bruh, if she isn’t into you then she isn’t into you. Find someone who is. Enjoy your friendship with her and look for someone else to build an actual relationship with. Now if she’s one of those girls that gives you *just* enough hope to keep you from moving on, RUN! That’s actually the last woman you want to date anyway. She’s already showing you she’s about the games. She’s a fuck girl and she will eventually just be a headache. It’s not worth it, trust me. Don’t lose a great friend because your dick wants to make all the decisions. 

For those of you that have friends of the opposite sex, enjoy your friendships. Society will try to impose its ideals onto you. Society will try to dictate what your interactions with that person or those people should be like. Society is uncomfortable with platonic relationships. Society refuses to believe you can love someone of the opposite sex but not be in love with them. Society can go have several seats. Your friends are just that, your friends. If you’re like me, their sex doesn’t matter. You know how much they mean to you and how much you mean to them. Don’t let other people change that. 


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