Womanhood, misogyny, and why I’m not cooking for your ass. (BEDA 9)

This is a real thing, ladies. This is a real thing. This was one of the posts that let me know it was time to get off of Facebook.

Essentially, if you do anything for your own benefit, and not your partners’,  you do not deserve to be a wife. You are not womanly. You are not worthy. This picture started a heated debate on the person’s page that posted it. Men were all in his comment defending reducing women to the tasks that they are able to complete because “men like being cooked for ” and “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”. I know you just had to choke back your own vomit, it’s ok I had to as well when I saw it but let’s keep going. He defended it. When called on the microaggressions and misogyny, he denied that this was any of that. Apparently we were just reading too far into it. Men want to be cooked for and if you want a man then it is something you should do as a woman (no mention of reciprocation though). Even better, I shouldn’t have an opinion because I am gay and dating a woman (I am actually bisexual and date both men and women but whatever).

This is not the first meme I have seen like this. In fact, our black “men” (quotes around men because they really aren’t men at all) post memes bashing black women and their independence, their appearance, their very essence ALL THE TIME. Don’t believe me? Here’s a few:

Yep, dumb shit like this exists. Fight back the vomit! Fight it! I know it’s hard but stay with me ladies! After all of this, somehow we are still supposed to want to be all they want us to be. We should continue to mold ourselves to fit the list of things black “men” have decided a woman should be. Cook, clean, sit down, shut up, be docile. That is essentially the recipe for a good wife, at least in these fragile males eyes. Yeah, let’s just stop calling them men and go with males because that is what I am reducing them to, their sex… You know, like they reduce us to what we can do for them… These same males are often single and cannot understand why. They often have failed relationships in which the only fault they can see is in the woman they dated. They love to portray any black woman with an opinion as an “angry black woman”, regardless of whether there is any real anger. They often like to tell us that we are too sensitive. They pride themselves in pointing out every flaw in black women, flaw as in all the things we aren’t doing to exclusively make them happy. They feel our independence is what destroyed the black family. Yeah, you know that guy.

Luckily, I am surrounded by some wonderful real black men. Men that can proudly call themselves men. Men that do not give into the fragile masculinity that others are swimming in. Men that do not judge my worth by what I can do for them. Men that stand with me, not in front of me. I am blessed to know great men and I make sure they know it.

So ladies, surround yourself with great men. Raise great men. Love great men (if that’s your thing). Do not give in to the demands of fragile males. Teach you daughters how to differentiate between great men and the fragile males. Remain strong black women. Know that there are black men that love us, that see our struggle and thank us for it. Show these great men appreciation just as they show it to you. Let the fragile males play amongst themselves.

Great men, stay great. Do not succumb to fragile male societal views. Do not succumb to fragile male “women bashing”. Call these fragile males out on their bullshit, do not remain silent. Raise your sons to know greatness, not male fragility. Show your daughters what great men are really like. Know that we love you, and we see you!

Fragile males, please find the nearest highway and play in it. Get off the internet. Do no reproduce. Do not give your unwanted opinion. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

 

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