Good bye 2016

Good bye 2016. You have been… different, well mostly an asshole. I’ve learned a lot this year, not only about myself but also some of the people around me.  I don’t believe in the whole “new year-new me” bullshit. There is no reason to wait a whole year to become the person I need to be. I don’t do the “I’m cutting off fake friends this year” thing either. Once I have realized there is a fakeness to you I leave you just where you are, no need to wait a year for that.

I do believe that each year is a fresh start. It’s a whole new 365 days for you to accomplish your goals, make moves. Each new year, to me, feels almost like getting a brand new journal, full of blank pages waiting to be filled in.  This year I learned just how adaptable I am. I started out the year heart broken, confused, frustrated. I am ending the year with a much clearer idea of myself as a person, thank goodness.

2016 was the year I became a true trauma nurse. I have learned that I love it. I was so afraid to leave the job I had because I was comfortable. Miserable but comfortable. Now that I have taken that leap I have learned just how strong of a nurse I can be.

2016 was the year that I went from fiancee, back to girlfriend, to single, to having my own girlfriend.

2016 was the year that I accepted my sexuality and decided to love who I wanted to love. Coming out was one of the hardest things I have done but I feel so much better.

2016 was the year that I learned just how little some people that were close to me *really* knew me (side eye to all my “this is a phase” people). This was also the year that I learned just how shady some of the people around me really were.

2016 was the year I realized I am not as religious as people would like for me to be. I have my beliefs, I owe no one an explanation about them. However, my unfailing belief in church just is not there anymore.

2016 was the year of the new piercings. Surprised my damn self but I finally did something I had wanted to do for a while. On the same note, it was also the year I started rocking the short hair confidently, something I had been afraid to do before.

2016 was the year that I realized just how mortal my favorite musicians are. I think I sort of expected the musicians I love to just be around making music, well, forever. 2016 came through like “Nah let me fix that thought process for you…” WHY PRINCE THOUGH?!? We can keep Lil Yatchy and Desiigner but you get to take Prince, and Bowie, and now George Michaels? Not cool 2016, not cool. (Someone go wrap Stevie Wonder in bubble wrap!)

2016 was the year of taking back to back “L’s” for a while for me. I will admit that. This has truly been the year of ups and downs… mostly downs… There were times I got my ass handed to me. However, this has also been the year that I learned how to stand back up and brace for that next punch that I knew would be coming.  As someone that has battled depression (while also refusing any prescribed meds), I would usually get knocked down and stay down. I used to give up so easily but I have developed much better coping mechanisms. I can say 2016 did at least help me with that.

2016 was the year I realized I don’t want to talk to anyone about my feelings but I will write the hell out of them. My journal and I have become the best of friends.

2016 was the year I learned just how fragile the male ego can be sometimes. Also, I learned just how looked down upon the black woman is by some of her fellow black men. Oh, I also learned that everything I do as a female makes me a ho.

2016 was the year I learned neither blatant racism nor lack of experience can keep someone from becoming president if they are white.

2016 was the year that reinforced the idea that my black skin is considered a weapon to some.

2016 was the year that I took a DNA test to trace my African roots. I don’t know why but it was very much something I needed to do. Knowing where my lineage comes from has given me a sense of pride.

2016 was the year I learned that for Hoteps, Africa as a continent does not exist. Instead, it is all Egyptopia. ALL OF IT. Everything is Egypt. Grab an Ankh and get angry.

2016 was the year I realized just how important my core group of friends are to me. They have helped me get through so much. (Shout out to my boys, I love you all.)

2016 was the year I learned that I suck at communicating in relationships and I seriously need to do better. 0 to 100 just doesn’t work in a disagreement. That is going to be a long process to fix but I am working on it.

2016 was the year I put a hell of a lot of effort into school and luckily it has paid off. Though there have been a lot of set backs, I am almost done.

2016 has been a beast. I will say that it was very much a learning experience. Then again, every year should be like that. Honestly, I believe I should end the year a different person from how I started it. There should have been growth, change. I should be able to look back and see how the year has molded me into something a bit newer than before.

So goodbye 2016. You came, you saw, you killed everyone we loved (and as of the time this blog was written you’re still being a dick). I can’t say I will look back on you fondly, if I look back at you at all. I can say you have given me a fondness for the future. So that is where I am headed…



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