The biggest three letter word

Three letters. Doesn’t seem like a lot, however, there is one three letter word that can tell you a great deal about a person. “But“… That’s it. That’s the three letter word that can tell you so much if you realize what it can signify. Doesn’t make sense? Well, let me explain…

Each of us has probably been hurt in a relationship/friendship at some point or another. You’ve been cheated on, lied to, disrespected, etc. If you are like me, you tend to not forgive at first but later on, as that person tries to re-enter your life, you wonder if maybe a second chance is worth it. They tell you they have changed. They tell you how much they have grown. They tell you that they would never hurt you like that again. You give in and you begin communicating with them once again. You *have* to know why they did what they did. That is actually not a bad thing and you should not feel weak for wanting to know. However, this is the time to really listen. This is when that little three letter word becomes so big.

When someone really has grown, when they really understand what they did wrong and how much it hurt you, they admit it. They own up to it, make no excuses for it, and try to learn from it. Then there are the people that can’t see fault. They will NEVER just own up to what happened. Oh, they will admit it, but there will be an excuse with it. “I know I cheated but…” , “I know I lied to you but“, “Yeah I was flirting but“, “I was texting her/him behind your back but” You notice that “but” is the end of their acknowledgment of what was done wrong  and the beginning of their excuse for why they did it. Those three letters signify so much in this situation. It is no longer just a conjunction, “but”  has now become a MAJOR red flag. This is the person that you walk away from. The second chance is not worth it. This is the person that will be a repeat offender because in their mind they are not wrong, what they did is wrong but they have a reason for it. They have neither grown from the situation, nor have they learned from it. Everything you went through with them before, you’ll be going through it with them again.

I noticed how big of a word “but” is just recently when an ex found me. We dated quite some time ago but I am still friendly with his family. I began communicating with him on a friendly basis, however, he wanted to rekindle our relationship. Not happening! Besides currently being in a relationship already, I noticed something when we discussed how our relationship ended. His response was always along the lines of “yeah I know I did -insert absolutely stupid and/or hurtful thing here-, but…” He always had an excuse for why he behaved the way he did. That is when I realized he had learned NOTHING from what happened. That is when I really began to understand just how big that little three letter word actually is. I sort of had a mini epiphany. Now I know what to listen for. Now I know that the smallest thing can actually be quite big. Now I won’t waste my time…

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