Are YOU comfortable with you?

Are you comfortable with you? Strange question to ask, but a valid one. I want to know are you comfortable being with yourself? Can you go out to eat alone without feeling awkward? Can you take a stroll by yourself and enjoy it? Can you sit at home alone and watch a movie without feeling lonely? Can you honestly be alone with yourself?

For a very long time, for me, that answer was no. I wasn’t comfortable with who I was. I wasn’t comfortable with my own feelings. I wasn’t comfortable being alone with my own thoughts. There were a lot of things that happened in my life that were emotionally trying. I chose not to deal with the emotions and instead try to “smile” them away. Maybe if I act like I am not hurting then I actually won’t hurt. Honestly, it worked for a while. I was able to pretend I was happy… as long as people were around me to keep me from being alone with myself. When I did finally have to be alone with me, I was depressed, bitter, and even got to the point of feeling suicidal. I stayed in a destructive relationship because it kept me from being alone. Anything and anyone to keep me occupied. I learned to hide my emotions when I was 16. After losing my mother I didn’t want people feeling sorry for me so I never let anyone know how I felt. I put all of my emotions on a shelf and left them there. I kept adding to that shelf as the years progressed without ever removing anything from that shelf. That shelf could only hold so much and it finally gave way. When that shelf broke, IT BROKE. I shattered. I hit my lowest point. I had no choice but to deal with all of these emotions that I had been running from for so long. It took years for me to finally get myself right.

I finally got to a point where I was comfortable with myself. I stopped feeling so alone when I was by myself. I stopped needing people to hang out with me. I could go for walks by myself and just enjoy nature instead of being jealous of the other couples I saw. I could have a lovely dinner by myself and thoroughly enjoy it. I could sit at home alone and read instead of dwell on pain. Most importantly,I could be alone with my thoughts. I learned how to handle being alive. I learned how to be comfortable being with myself. That is probably one of the best things I have ever done…


3 thoughts on “Are YOU comfortable with you?

    • I am actually comfortable being in a relationship, mostly because I am still able to have my time to myself. Those moments alone are a blessing. It also makes me appreciate having a significant other now though.

      • And having that time to yourself doesn’t cause any issues between you and your significant other? I only ask because some people don’t seem to understand that though we are together, we still need me time. For me, sometimes all I need is to be able to sit quietly without any distractions or human interaction.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s