I’m not jealous… Am I?

Every one I know is either married or engaged, pregnant or celebrating baby birthdays. I’m really happy for them. Really. Yet… I still feel a twinge of jealousy every time I see an engagement announcement, a marriage anniversary, pregnant belly, newborn baby, or birthday pic.  I want that. I want a family. I want a marriage. I want *that* life. I’m in my 30’s now. I don’t want to date for fun. I have fertility issues so my time to get pregnant is going to be short. It’s like I feel the “clock” ticking. My time seems like it’s slipping away. I guess as a female I feel like I should be settled by now. I know that’s not true. I know I’m only 31, that’s not old. I’ve been in a committed relationship for over a year now. I’m not sterile, just infertile for now. There’s still time. Yet, it’s like this nagging voice in the back of my mind that’s saying “why not me?”, “it’s not fair!”… I don’t want to be that person. I want to be happy for all of my deserving friends. I want to support them and go along for the ride. I don’t want to be jealous… And yet, I can’t help but be… 


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