Running away

I am notorious for running away. As soon as feel myself falling, as soon as I feel anything for someone, I run. I have been used. I have been cheated on. I have been lied to. I have been hurt so badly, so many times that I fear feelings. I don’t want to deal with the pain, the rejection. So I run. I run as fast as I can and end up alone again. Then I hate myself for being alone. It’s a continuous cycle. I’m like a hamster on a wheel, running and running and getting nowhere. The wheel stops now. I’m stepping off. I’m walking away from the cycle of fear and self loathing I have wallowed in. Someone is trying to make their way into my heart. I am already looking for a reason to push him away. He’s done nothing wrong. I am blaming him for the hurt my heart holds. No more. The douchebagery is not his fault nor is it mine. The blame lies with those who treat people so badly. Time to let myself heal.

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