Getting back my get up and go.

I lost it. That spark. My get up and go. My vibrancy. Some time over the last month or so I’ve just turned in on myself and watched my inner light dim… It’s now faded to black. There’s been a lot of things going on that have just taken the fun and happiness right out of me. Last week was my mother’s birthday, she would have been 55. Cancer (that asshole) assured that didn’t happen. My grandmother is now sick, very sick. She is the only grandparent I have ever really known. I need to start school but I have no idea where the money will come from. I’ve maxed my under grad loans (thanks ECPI you bastards). All together it’s made me a very depressed hermit. I’ve avoided seeing friends. Lied to my parents so they think I’m ok. Smiled at work so people don’t worry. It’s how I’ve always handled things. Smile, nod, hold it in, don’t worry anyone else. It doesn’t work. It never does. Eventually the facade cracks. Eventually my strength wanes. I break. Everyone stands around me screaming “WHY WON’T YOU LET ME HELP YOU?!” I have support now. I have people on my side now. I just don’t know how to let them in. It’s been me, myself, and I for a while. I had to pick up and move on. I taught myself how to put my feelings into a box and hide it away. Well, I’ve got no more room for my boxes anymore. Time to clean house. Throw out those boxes full of sadness. Throw out the boxes of pain. That bag full of inadequacy? Yeah, that can go too. It’s not the end. I’ve made it through worse. I’ll make it through this.

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3 thoughts on “Getting back my get up and go.

  1. The inspiration and motivation you provide for others will be what you need to offer to yourself. I’m gonna throw some strong realness your direction. I have invested time in writing those inspirational quotes, but sometimes I need a little inspiration and motivation myself. It happens where you have to go through the storm to realize that the sun will shine again. I’m gonna admit that life has thrown me some crazy curve balls. Believe me, you haven’t seen nothing yet sis. Wait until 30 hits and you go through some simp moments with people you would “think” are supposed to have it together. One thing about Virgo’s (especially 9/4 adolescents lol) is that we’re VERY strong willed. When we’re up we’re up. However, when we’re down, we don’t want to deal with anyone or anything and their simp ways. Yeah, I used simp twice lmao. Anyways, keep your head high & just let life flow as it’s meant to. Simplicity is key in my personal opinion. You’re gonna be fine. Getting through this is tough part. Walking away from it will be easier than you think.

      • And that’s where the transition of rolling into the 30 boat kicks in, because you’re gonna learn who’s there to help, & who’s gonna be a crutch or use you as a crutch. I’m venting heavy, so don’t mind me 😉

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